We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
