WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
