I am in a vortex of obligation.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
