I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize