Nicole vs. Life
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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