Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
