This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
