operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
