im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
