barbara walters just said penis...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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