and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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