do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
