i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need water and some morals
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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