saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How naked do you want me to be?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
