I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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