i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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