oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
