i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
