I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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