Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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