Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
