Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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