Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
