is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
