you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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