We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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