I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my poor anus
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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