what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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