you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
