It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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