my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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