hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
