32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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