dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
