when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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