woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
