I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
