i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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