Need sex. Gaining weight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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