R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
