fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
