I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I cut my penus on the lid.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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