New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
