Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
