apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
