I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
