he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
