why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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