my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
