god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
