i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
my poor anus
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
