Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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