I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize