your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
