we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize