i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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