Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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