roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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