Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
