My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
