1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.