Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.