Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.