we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.