When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?