is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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